I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
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