You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
