It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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