i would punch a child for taco bell
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
