nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
