People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
third nipple confirmed
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
