btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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