Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Randomize
