I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
