girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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