Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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