At least make sure they are 18
Why
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
