Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
