I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
