Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
