So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
