she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
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They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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