I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
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If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
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Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
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