Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
