my phone needs a breathalizer
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
