this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
