it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
