how do flat chested girls get laid?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
