Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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