you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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