he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
