meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
