fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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