he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
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