I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
