So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
