I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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