Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
