I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
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I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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