We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
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We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
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there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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