cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
