Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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