I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
