rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
