last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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