I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
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you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
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The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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