JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
