the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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