i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
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So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
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I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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