Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
