You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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