She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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