Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He shit in the fireplace
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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