4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize