if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
