Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
