i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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