it hurts more in the daytime
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
