Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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