I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
