i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
