I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
