I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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