I'm sorry my penis didn't work
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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